Can't take our eyes off of you

Canada too good to be true? Could your neatly packaged (Mounties, weed, equal marriage and igloos) neighbour to the north be ... complex? Politically divided? Even hypocritical?



Was it really that slow a news day?

Smallest Shoe to Price Ratio Ever?

This shoe is $475.



Not including tax. It reminds the FG of those bikinis you can hide in your fist. Why not put a ring on your big toe and go barefoot?
(Secretly, I can't deny it's a fabulous shoe. And look! The perfect $665 clutch to match!)

Career Suicide Anyone?

There are post-The West Wing FG career moves we've admired, as when Emily Procter


got a substantial role on CSI: Miami after a too-small role as beautiful and brilliant Republican attorney Ainsley Hayes.

And then there's Janel Moloney. While the FG is often frustrated by the long suffering Donna's role (will Josh EVER come to his senses?), I'm not sure that the lead in the Amber Frey: Witness for the Prosecution is anything but a career tumble into a pigsty.

Ah, the Joys of Empire

Queen Elizabeth II cuts a cake in the shape of Alberta's Legislative Building, as the Duke of Edinburgh looks on. The Queen is in Canada to celebrate the centenary of Alberta and Saskatchewan.

The Return of the Gwyneth

I know how you feel about her, but like it or not, Gwyneth Paltrow is coming soon to a glossy near you. Say what you will, but she's the definite Upper East Side FG. This career development also reminds this FG of the SJP/Joss Stone debacle, and that we don't really mind seeing Uma and her pretty handbags, if only for a season.

Woman as Tent

Trends to skip this summer include the crinkly '70's hippie skirt (pattern optional) combined with a tiny tee and ugly shoes. I'm not saying it's worse than skirts so short you can't sit down, I'm just making a plea for moderation.

I heart William Safire

Not for his politics, but for this weekend's dissection of the kiss, in all its iterations:

The gradations of osculation include the soul kiss, also called the French kiss, in which the tongue is inserted into the partner's mouth (leading to the term tonsil hockey). There is also the butterfly kiss, seductively fluttering the eyelashes against the partner's cheek; the upside-down kiss, which should be self-explanatory; the passionate neck nuzzle, resulting in a bruise called a ''hickey'' or ''love bite'' and necessitating the wearing of a scarf for days; the air kiss, often blown by a ''walker,'' in which no physical contact is made; and the enthusiastic, juicy eyesucker, which I used to dutifully receive from my beloved grandma. A big wet kiss, however, is not a real kiss at all. The meaning of the phrase is ''fulsome praise,'' in its precise definition of ''lavish, excessive, immoderate, overweening.'' In its political usage, the attack phase is intended to leave the recipient with a big red hickey.

Belinda, I just met a girl named Belinda

I was going to put this in the "Crossing the Floor in Heels"comments section, but it's getting a little unwieldy. Say what you will about her, Ms. Stronach's heart is in the right place.

Speaking of double standards

From NPR (emphasis by the FG):

The St. Jude Educational Institute in Montgomery, Ala., banned one senior from taking part in her graduation because she is pregnant -- but she took part anyway. Alysha Cosby called out her own name and walked across the stage to receive her diploma. The Catholic school had allowed the father of the baby to take part in commencement. The Montgomery Advertiser reports that while some at the graduation didn't appreciate Alysha asserting herself, many of her classmates cheered.

Put the Crayon Down

All we can say about this is that even if you're this good looking, this is a very difficult look to pull off without looking like a character on a children's TV show.

Crossing the Floor in Heels? Use Caution.

Canadian Member of Parliament Belinda Stronach switched parties this week, leaving the Conservative caucus for the Liberals, at a time when the minority government Liberals are riding out two weeks of threatened non-confidence votes over their budget. (How to bring down a minority government under the parliamentary system primer here.) Her former party members responded by essentially calling her a dumb blonde. Quotes:

“She sort of defined herself as something of a dipstick, an attractive one, but still a dipstick, with what she's done here today. She is, at the end of the day, going to paint herself as something of a joke,” - Ontario MPP Robert Runciman. Tony Abbott, a Conservative member of the Alberta legislature, described Ms. Stronach as a “political harlot” and called the situation as one of “a little rich girl who is basically whoring herself out to the Liberals.” (Conservative Party Leader) Mr. Harper, meanwhile, told reporters in Montreal: “I've never really noticed complexity to be Belinda's strong point.” Headlines around the country also described Ms. Stronach's announcement as a “blonde bombshell.”

Because she couldn't have possibly done it for reasons of political principle, being a pro-choice, pro-equal marriage woman in a party of social neanderthals. And I don't remember Jim Jeffords getting this kind of harassment in 2001.

Over a barrel

Trust a Scot to read the US Senate the riot act. Exerpts from the Galloway transcript:

"Senator, I am not now, nor have I ever been, an oil trader. and neither has anyone on my behalf. I have never seen a barrel of oil, owned one, bought one, sold one - and neither has anyone on my behalf.
"Now I know that standards have slipped in the last few years in Washington, but for a lawyer you are remarkably cavalier with any idea of justice. I am here today but last week you already found me guilty. You traduced my name around the world without ever having asked me a single question, without ever having contacted me, without ever written to me or telephoned me, without any attempt to contact me whatsoever. And you call that justice.
"I was an opponent of Saddam Hussein when British and Americans governments and businessmen were selling him guns and gas. I used to demonstrate outside the Iraqi embassy when British and American officials were going in and doing commerce.

and on and on and on.

Compulsions

So if you're not watching The O.C., you should be. I don't want to hear it. The writing is brilliant, and that's all you need to know. Sample:

Marissa: I have this really important date with Ryan later and I need it to be perfect. I can't figure out what to wear.
Summer: Please, you could dress as Grimace and stop traffic. Man, I look good in this picture.
M: OK, what do you think? (holding up newly purchased tops)
S: (noticing bruise on M's shoulder) What is that? Coop, what were you doing, playing rugby?
M: Yeah, well, um I just slipped.
S: And fell on your collarbone?
M: Wait, so who is Reid?
S: She's that busty comic book tart that turned Seth into an egomaniac by agreeing to publish his graphic novel, and then threatened to sue Zack if he pulled out of the comic. Oh my God, this is so her fault.
M: What are you talking about?
S: Don't you see? Before she came, there was no scheming, no fighting, the comic book was deader than dead. Ohh. (grabbing her purse & heading for the door)
M: Wait, where are you going?
S: Uh unh, nobody messes with my men but me. Oh, it is ass-kicking time, Coop. Wear the black, he won't know what hit him.

Trust the FG.

Lying awake?

In case you've been sleepless over the evolutionary purpose for the female orgasm, it turns out:

The female orgasm, she said, "is for fun." Dr. Elisabeth A. Lloyd, a philosopher of science and professor of biology at Indiana University, takes on 20 leading theories and finds them wanting. The female orgasm, she argues in the book, "The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution," has no evolutionary function at all. Rather, Dr. Lloyd says the most convincing theory is one put forward in 1979 by Dr. Donald Symons, an anthropologist. That theory holds that female orgasms are simply artifacts - a byproduct of the parallel development of male and female embryos in the first eight or nine weeks of life.

Whew! That takes the pressure off. There's more fun stuff in the article about performance expectations and patterns, but you'll have to read it for yourself.

Six Degrees of US Senate

Hilarious exerpt from The Note today on how to prevent the US Senate changing the filibuster rules, the so called 'nuclear option':

The Gang — which remembers Ronald Reagan palling around with Tip O'Neill, and George H.W. Bush yukking it up with Danny Rostenkowski — wonders why all this can't be settled over a bit of duck l'orange, since . . .
Harry Reid likes and respects Sig Rogich.
Sig Rogich likes and respects Kenny Guinn.
Kenny Guinn likes and respects Marybel Batjer.
Marybel Batjer likes and respects Colin Powell.
Colin Powell likes and respects Rudy Giuliani.
Rudy Giuliani likes and respects Andrew Kirtzman.
Andrew Kirtzman likes and respects Al Sharpton.
Al Sharpton likes and respects Howard Dean.
Howard Dean likes and respects Jim Jordan.
Jim Jordan likes and respects Mitch Bainwol.
And Mitch Bainwol likes and respects Bill Frist.

And yet — and yet — Harry Reid and Bill Frist at this point can't solve the filibuster thing, because their far-from-neutral corners won't let them compromise, and this baby (so far) can't be split.

If only it were that simple ...

Hair is irrelevant

if you're strikingly beautiful, and know enough not to mess up the look with excessive jewelry. The FG recommends experimenting online before convincing your significant other to shave your head, unless you're looking to add a crisis to your relationship. Apparently Ms. Portman has taken it off for "V for Vendetta". Thanks to coolchiq for the tip and natalieportman.com for the photo.

The ultimate espadrille site

Fabulous Girl just realized she's been holding out on you, and she apologizes. Please to visit the very fabulous espadrillesetc.com at your earliest convenience. The FG likes Margarita and Veronica,



but there are many to choose from.

Somewhat at Sea

over the plethora of seersucker, but we think we like it here as an accent, with a denim skirt for example. Thanks shoewawa. And after your day on the yacht, when you're dressing for a fabulous dinner in a foreign port, slip into these.


Just in case they've fogotten you're a princess after you've shown them how to trim the sails and hoist the jib.

Children as Status Symbols

Simon Doonan says the latest trend is the third child:

Call it the Grace Kelly Syndrome. You can even call it the Demi Moore Syndrome. Either way, three is the new two! That critical third child—quite possibly the status symbol of this decade—will get you more Park Avenue cred than a fleet of Bentleys. "The third child screams, ‘My apartment is massive, my S.U.V. is spacious, my cash unlimited!’" (...) the third-child trend is not only driven by a desire to demonstrate richesse, but also by a deranged, Kennedyesque desire to give birth to a clan.

If people are procreating to outdo the Joneses, well, it's hard to know where to begin. Actually, it's not, but the Fabulous Girl is conserving her energy for worthier opponents. Talk amongst yourselves.

Calling Katie Holmes

Wonder if we could get Mena Suvari and Katie together for a cocktail.

I can hear you meowing, you know.

Plastic Silhouettes

Never mind about the intelligence gap on North Korea, women with implants can't fit into the clothes they're now confident enough to wear.

In regions where breast augmentation is most popular, like Southern California, Texas and Florida, the wave of implants is skewing the selection of designer clothes sold at some stores, favoring sizes and styles more ample on top and creating a new market for alterations. Brian Bolke, the owner of a boutique in Dallas, said, "For women who love fashion, breast enlargements and designer dresses do not go together." He estimated more than half his customers have had cosmetic surgery. "... this area is not known for small chests ... women are having dresses completely butchered." After breast augmentation many women say they fill out sweaters and swimwear better, and they get a lot of positive attention, but other clothes no longer look right. "I gave up my wardrobe to show off my breasts," said Tara Fierstatt.

In case you needed another reason not to go under the knife.

Spring is in the air

and the hoi polloi are responding appropriately, getting married on remote beaches here and here, announcing pregnancies here, here and almost here, and generally behaving like bunnies. In celebration, here are a couple of our fav dresses for this season.



And, if you're both pregnant and a bride, apparently we're doing that fabulously and with heads held high these days.

The Huffington Post Debuts

Speaking of debutantes, Ariana Huffington's Celebrity Blog premiered today. It's hard to go wrong with John Cusack, David Mamet, Russell Simmons (although not Kimora Lee, thank the gods), and Mike Nichols on opening day. That's a dinner party the Fabulous Girl would love to attend.

If money is no object

and you're not indentured to Manolo or Choo, Gina is clearly the place to shop for ceremony-related shoes (awards shows, weddings, etc.) All a girl needs is a heel, a sole and a tiny strap or two to keep it on her foot, for a mere $500!



Also avail. in silver & black. Thanks shoewawa for the hook up.

The Texas Dip

All the recent furor over Texas cheerleaders and their lascivious behaviour reminded me of the Texas Dip and my failure to blog it. To wit:

The Texas dip is the bow debs make when they are individually introduced on stage with their escorts. The move requires hours of practice to master. Joy Burkhart, owner of Joy’s School of Dance, has been teaching the Texas dip to Hedonia debs for more than a decade. She calls the maneuver a doozy. “It’s not easy to extend both arms, cross one leg behind the other and do a deep bend all the way to the floor until your nose grazes the ground,” she said. Adding to the difficulty is the fact that the young women are wearing heavy ball gowns and high heels.

Sharron Cutbirth, a Hedonia debutante in the ’70s and the mother of two debs, said the Texas dip makes “quite a statement” on the international deb circuit. Her daughters both made their international debuts in New York City last year. “It’s amazing how spectacular the Texas debs are and how the crowd goes wild when the Texas debs are presented,” she said. “When Catherine and Caroline were presented, they came out in front of a Texas flag, a spotlight hit them and together, completely synchronized, they did the Texas dip, touched the ground with their noses and then turned toward each other. It was a moment in time. My mother even cried.”

Microsoft flipflops ... again

I'm no hit & run blogger. Microsoft realizes the error of its ways and vows to support anti-discrimination legislation in the future. Can we get a re-vote?

Classic

I know, I know, it's spring/summer and it's all about the brights - women nationwide are suddenly possessed by the need to dress like Floridians. But when you find a shoe like this one:



it really calls for something simple, elegant, and, well, black, whether your skintone is porcelain or ebony.



Not entirely sure what to wear with these,


but something goddess-y - perhaps this?

Correction

In an earlier post regarding the state of Texas and its cheerleader persecution campaign, the FG mistakenly identified Texas as the second largest state in the nation. George F. Will (I know, I can't believe he made it into the Boudoir either - where are the doormen?) brought to her attention this morning the state of None, as in None of Us are Religious, population 29.4 million (2001). Only California has a higher population (34.5 million). Of course, the FG anticipates that figure will decline substantially when the non-believers are reassigned to None. First they came for the non-believers ...

I'm not paranoid, but when this president is defending the patriotism of citizens to "choose not to worship" you've got to wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.

1984 anyone?

Too cranky to address this myself so click here for the NYT editorial on Real ID (coming soon to a Department of Licensing near you!) and weep for the Statue of Liberty with her eviscerated promise to open a golden door for the tired, poor, huddled masses and wretched refuse, the homeless and tempest-tossed. (OK, that might be a bit of an overstatement.) I knew there was a reason I wore black today.

If Martin Sheen's not doing it for you anymore

J.Lo's willing to step into the Oval to keep those of us in our alternate political universe happy at least until The West Wing returns in the fall. I don't really see Marc Anthony reading to small children, but you never know.

Priorities

Texas lawmakers voted this week to "restrict “overtly sexually suggestive” cheerleading to more ladylike performances." The Texas Legislature meets in Regular Session for about five months every other year, not exactly a taxing schedule for its 150 members, who represent an estimated 23.5 million 'mericuns in the nation's second largest state. By contrast, the California Legislature meets year round and the New York Legislature meets Jan-June of every year (click here for a state by state list). I'm just saying ...

Double your pleasure

Not enough Jon Stewart in your world? Feel cheated on the nights Steven Colbert doesn't comment from a far flung location or celebrate "This Week in God"? Relax, kick back and toke up, because Colbert's getting his own show.

Comedy Central said yesterday that it was giving Mr. Colbert his own show: a half-hour that is expected to follow "The Daily Show" on weeknights and will lampoon those cable-news shows that are dominated by the personality and sensibility of a single host. Think, he said, of Bill O'Reilly and Chris Matthews and Sean Hannity.

Say it with me - Don't act like you don't want it, oh I know that you do.

The best and the worst

of the Costume Institute Party of the Year, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in celebration of its latest exhibit, an homage to the house of Chanel:



No further comment required.

Not for any reason

While we've been enjoying the resurgence of seersucker in a darling dress such as this one:


(if you're a boy, seersucker head to toe is limited to those under 12), sometimes clothes are so far beyond wrong it's hard to know where to begin. The FG is speechless at these pants:



which take madras to a place it doesn't want to go. While the FG understands that not everyone shares her abhorrence of cropped pants, the patchwork on these would make anyone's head spin. And did I mention there are also shorts? Let's band together and make sure they're on sale for 9.99 within the week, by NOT buying them, shall we?

Just because you're too rich

doesn't mean you can control the spin. Microsoft stepped in it big time last week when they withdrew their support of an anti-discrimination bill before the Washington State Legislature after supporting it for the previous two years, apparently in deference to the threats of an evangelical pastor. First noted in The Stranger, and they're doing continuing coverage.

The Rev. Ken Hutcherson runs the Antioch Bible mega-Church (3,500 members and counting), with offices conveniently situated near the software behemoth in a mini-red state enclave just east of Seattle. He's organized anti-marriage equality rallies in the past, and let's just say he's a fire and brimstone kind of guy. He claims to have influenced Microsoft into withdrawing their support for House Bill 1515 by planning a boycott.

If I got God on my side, what's a Microsoft? What's a Microsoft? It's nothing.

This boycott concept has the FG v. curious. How exactly do you boycott Microsoft? The Antioch website, which I won't link to, is still up and running. Perhaps you stop using that annoying little paperclip that pops up when it thinks you need help writing a letter?

Microsoft employees woke up to discover that their LGBT-friendly company was, at best, neutral towards them when the chips were down. The bill failed to pass by one vote, and now the Rev. and various Microsofties (all of whom seem to be in Europe this month) are playing the "he said-he said" game. The other item that surfaced is that Ralph Reed has been on retainer as a communications consultant to Microsoft for the past few years. That's a pretty big tent they've got over in Redmond.

You can't always get what you want

But then sometimes you get exactly what you want. And when it's a lovely weekend featuring much-needed yoga, a long and contemplative drive, dear old friends, a delightful champagne tasting, a beautiful bed and delicious night's sleep, a brunch of delectable bites punctuating seamless conversation, window shopping (OK, non-window shopping), picking up that something you've been putting off buying for longer than you can remember, and then heading for home, well, what more can you ask for?

OK, there's always more you could ask for, but why push your luck?