I heart William Safire

Not for his politics, but for this weekend's dissection of the kiss, in all its iterations:

The gradations of osculation include the soul kiss, also called the French kiss, in which the tongue is inserted into the partner's mouth (leading to the term tonsil hockey). There is also the butterfly kiss, seductively fluttering the eyelashes against the partner's cheek; the upside-down kiss, which should be self-explanatory; the passionate neck nuzzle, resulting in a bruise called a ''hickey'' or ''love bite'' and necessitating the wearing of a scarf for days; the air kiss, often blown by a ''walker,'' in which no physical contact is made; and the enthusiastic, juicy eyesucker, which I used to dutifully receive from my beloved grandma. A big wet kiss, however, is not a real kiss at all. The meaning of the phrase is ''fulsome praise,'' in its precise definition of ''lavish, excessive, immoderate, overweening.'' In its political usage, the attack phase is intended to leave the recipient with a big red hickey.