Permission to hate her because she's beautiful

Unlike reality tv shows, which appeal because they make us feel better about ourselves, some celebrities appeal because they make us feel worse about ourselves (aka, the mitfreude effect)*. Whether it's because they've sustained an apparently flawless marriage for years, take yoga classes daily, eschew fur, have perfect, ageless skin or eat macrobiotic (anyone coming to mind?), they're out there. And Paige Ferarri, of Things That Make You Go "Hmm", has it in for Gwyneth. To wit:

Fact: Gwyneth Paltrow is the kind of girl who ditched sixth-grade slumber parties so she could be fresh for early morning equestrian lessons.
Fact: Gwyneth Paltrow knows that she can kick back a handle of Jägermeister every night and still produce a child better-looking and smarter than your own.

What can I say? She's funny.

Gwyneth - She's not just like us! [MSNBC]

*Update: OK, maybe it's not mitfreude, but imagine the opposite of schadenfreude and that's where I'm going. And not mudita - we're looking for sadness at the good fortune of others. Anyone?

The Return of the Gwyneth

I know how you feel about her, but like it or not, Gwyneth Paltrow is coming soon to a glossy near you. Say what you will, but she's the definite Upper East Side FG. This career development also reminds this FG of the SJP/Joss Stone debacle, and that we don't really mind seeing Uma and her pretty handbags, if only for a season.

Picking on Gwyneth

People generally love her or they hate her - I'm generally a fan, although I have my moments. But do we really need to list 12 reasons to hate?

(although this is a funny one ...

10. She is close friends with Madonna, and therefore seems untrustworthy, since anyone who is close with Madonna is also possibly not a human being but made of Quorn.

Remember the Quorn debate of 2006?

and this is a possibly true one, or at least an alternate perspective to the norm ...

12. Oh and there's this: "I love the English lifestyle, it's not as capitalistic as America. People don't talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner. I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans.")

The list isn't wrong. And launching a lifestyle website that suggests you work, have a happy marriage, take care of your kids, cook, work out, and have time to read, all while looking like this, is bound to result in a little negative feedback. I just have better things to do than hate. This week.

Wrap her up

I'll take her home with me
Wrap her up, she is all I need
Wrap her up, Give her to me, wrap her up

It's coming to the end of the year, and the FUG Girls have done us the tremendous favour of addressing the sins and the stars of fashion in 2008. Lists of 10 are so convenient, no?

Briefly:

It Takes a Rare Man to Pull Off a Mustache. And if that man isn't George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Jude Law, or Robert Downey Jr. — all of whom have taken, and failed, Lip Lawns 101 — then odds are it also will not be you. Unless you are Victor Newman.

Leave the Jumpsuits to Professions That Demand Them - Blake Lively, Gwyneth Paltrow, Maggie Gyllenhaal; jumpsuits are bad, mmmkay?

But Fish Scales Can Be a Good Thing - Marion Cotillard (Warning: Attempt only under professional supervision.)

Whatever Solange Wears, Do the Opposite. (When your sister has invented a split personality just so she can wear a metallic robot hand, and you still look more cracked out than she does, something is terribly wrong.)

Don’t Fug Up Your Youth - Evan Rachel Wood, Taylor Momsen, wash your faces!

Being on a Reality Show Doesn’t Make You a Fashion Designer - Too many to count.

Shopping a Lot Doesn't Make You a Designer, Either - every other celebrity in Hollywood.

Looking Good Is Still the Best Revenge - Anne Hathaway

We Are So Over Sex and the City - SJP

The Perfect Sparkly Minidress Can Make People Forget That Time You Shaved Your Head - Ms. Spears

Wrap her up

Oops, she did it again

Gwyneth and Chris Martin welcomed their second child into the world this weekend, and named him ... Moses.

*Sigh*. See links below for my thoughts on names - nothing new to say here, except that this isn't exactly the kind of diversity I had in mind.

A Call For Diversity in Naming
And You Thought Gyllenhaal Was a Challenge
What Colour is Your Name?

Golden Globes Review

The Globes were fun - not exciting, but a good time was had by all. There were jokes - George Clooney: "Who would name their child Jack when the last name ends with 'off'?", and mistakes - Issac Mizrahi asked Hilary Swank, whose marriage to Chad Lowe is on hiatus, who she's dating. Quoth Hilary, "I'm working on my marriage, actually." The overall fashion trend seemed to mark the return to black - perhaps the ladies are saving their bird of paradise frocks for the Oscars. Renee, Hilary, Mary-Louise, Sarah Jessica, Natalie, Charlize, all in black.

Damn, Natalie Portman looks great no matter what she does with her hair. Wish I could say the same for Ellen Pompeo, who's bronzed and blonded and curled and apparently wearing a doily-dress. Ack. Sandra Oh won for her work on Grey's Anatomy and couldn't remember anyone's name - an equal opportunity forgetter. Second truly bad fashion moment- Drew Barrymore - there's no grey area with this girl - in addition to a bad, ivy green dress, she's bra-less and in desperate need of an eyebrow wax. Come on Drew, we know you can pull it off - please do so when you know you're going to be onstage. Geena Davis looks wonderful in general, but I wish she'd take a page from Sophia Loren's less is more book - there are sequins and ruffles and bows, oh my! AND she's a smarty pants, and she knows enough to honor Donald Sutherland. Adrien Brody is rakishly elegant in his black neck-scarf. Sadly, Pamela Andreson's big black scarf ... thing ... at the top of her white dress doesn't distract from ... anything.

It is impossible to dislike Reese Witherspoon, and I still pick her every time over Kirsten Dunst. And now, Mary-Louise Parker is about to snatch the Globe away from all those Desperate Housewives. If you haven't seen Angels in America, see it - I'm not a fan of her dress, but thank god those Housewives got shut out. Ooh, and the opportunity to see her make out with Elizabeth Perkins ... I love love love Emma Thompson - she is beautiful and witty and has it all, but I must say that her dress makes her look ALL chest. And her hair!

I would please, like to be reincarnacted as Kate Beckinsale. Please? I love Colin Firth, I really do, but you need to either make a clean shave (Clooney), foster just enough stubble (Patrick Dempsey), or go for the entire beard (Paul Giamatti - not saying I like it, but it is definitive). Something between just enough stubble and the entire beard just doesn't work. Colin, get out your razor. Here comes Catherine Deneuve, and Pierce Brosnan knows how to appreciate a beautiful woman. Maria Bello looks SO good. Gwyneth Paltrow gets a by for being pregnant, but she still looks like a meringue. Debra Messing should not weat giant print frocks and should not part her hair in the middle.

I wonder, if 2001/2004 were the years for African American actors and actresses, perhaps 2005 is the year for LGBTQQ material and characters? Just a thought.

Eeez so cute

Gwyneth Paltrow was on The Daily Show last night - promoting Proof - and Jon was darling. He just looked at her and said,

I feel like I'm in high school and I want to sit at your table.

Of course, her ponytail and schoolgirlish black dress with white ruffles at neck & sleeves might have helped - sort of Wednesday Adams re-configured as a WASPy ice princess. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Remember Prozac Nation?

Slate reviews the long awaited release - fav quote du jour in special colour below:

For all the drama around its long-delayed release, Prozac Nation is not all that terrible a movie. It's certainly no worse than Sylvia, another recent film about a depressed writer-lady, in which Gwyneth Paltrow played a doomed (yet curiously radiant! And WASP-ily indomitable!) Sylvia Plath. Unlike Paltrow's, Ricci's performance has nothing self-congratulatory or softening about it. Her Lizzie Wurtzel isn't a "difficult woman" (to crib from Bitch's euphemistic subtitle) – she's a total f***ing bitch. Maybe even a c**t, or a t**t. Oblivious to the mere concept of other people's existence, she lies, whines, pouts, and rages, all the while hoovering down drugs and male attention with equal voraciousness. Seconds after hurling herself sobbing into the arms of her immature but loving mother (the eternally compelling Jessica Lange), she's pulling away to shriek, "I'm not your goddamn monkey!" at earsplitting volume. After casually seducing the boyfriend of her inexplicably patient college roommate, Ruby (Michelle Williams), La Lizzie offers an excuse for the ages: "It was, um, an accidental blowjob?"

Not the one you thought I'd like, was it?

Oscars II

My favorite dress of the evening, Roberto Cavalli, worn by Catalina Sandino Moreno.

Annette Benning in a beautiful neckline.
Penelope, don't ever put a bow on your ass, even if it is lemon yellow. Why beige? Why so much beige, Gwyneth - btw, dress didn't fit - Laura, Regina, Halle - thank god your dress fit this time, and Maggie? Doesn't anyone remember Jennifer Connolly in 2002? Scarlett, if your hair's not frizzy, why would you make it so?



Ladies in red Emmy Rossum and Renee Zellweger looked lovely, although if you're going to be a presenter, Renee, it would be a good idea to be sure you can walk in your dress first. Kudos to Hilary Swank and Helen Mirren as well for beautiful and unique choices, and check out Usher's Glamazon. Tons of additional photos here. Several sightings of the all new, now available in stores inflataboob, especially on one of Sidney Lumet's daughters - yikes!

And finally, if you were struggling to empathize with Ray Charles, Beyonce's necklace in the Phantom of the Opera segment was designed to blind. If we have to listen to Beyonce sing in French, why don't we have to listen to her sing in Spanish? In fact, why do we have to listen to her sing at all? Actually, it was less the singing and more the random attempts at dancing that were distracting. Vanessa Paradis would have been a far better choice, if one could wipe the pout off her face.

Um, could we raise the bar a little, Gwyn?

On Jessica Simpson:

"I’m just glad that there’s one super-popular girl in America who’s not drunk, sleeping with tons of people, and wearing incredibly revealing, inappropriate outfits,” (Gwyneth) Paltrow told Entertainment Weekly. “She’s a postmodern Donna Reed.”