Tucker, grow up already

There's an ongoing conversation among my female friends on both coasts about the inability of some men to act their age, but Tucker Carlson takes the cake. In addition to his childish pomposity, illustrated by his insistent sporting of bow ties, he's fallen into the obvious Heffalump trap of picking on his peaceful, underpopulated neighbour to the North. To wit:

Last week, MSNBC host Tucker Carlson, a well-known conservative pundit, let loose with a string of anti-Canada rants. "Anybody with any ambition at all, or intelligence, has left Canada and is now living in New York," he said.
"Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada."
Carlson also said it's pointless to tell Canada to stop criticizing the United States.
"It only eggs them on. Canada is essentially a stalker, stalking the United States, right? Canada has little pictures of us in its bedroom, right?"
"It's unrequited love between Canada and the United States. We, meanwhile, don't even know Canada's name. We pay no attention at all," he said.

First of all, lots of people go to New York. NY is hardly even an a recognizable US city, it's more its own micro-nation, filled with people who have fled New Jersey, the Red States, and yes, other countries near and far. Tell you what, Tucker. Send us back our Canadians and see how funny you are. I'll be on this side of the 49th parallel, laughing along with Samantha Bee, Mike Myers, Dan Ackroyd, Jim Carrey, etc, etc.

Second, "your retarded cousin at Thanksgiving"? Clearly Tucker is one of the compassionless conservatives -I suppose it's one's own fault if one is mentally challenged. (Not that he finished college, but I digress.)

Finally, wake up. EVERYONE is criticising the US, including your very own Republicans., Tuck You can just hear us best b/c we're closest, and, surprise, are your largest trading parter. Look it up. We're stalking you b/c we know from whence our largest threat commeth, and we can identify more than two countries on a world map. Keep not paying attention - that should wrap up the Iraq problem, for example, in no time.